It feels weird to say I’m twenty… I don’t know if I’ll get used to it anytime soon. For the last seven years, my age ended with “teen” and now I’m in that time frame that “everything“ is supposed to happen. What does everything mean anyway?
I think to most, the everything they are talking about is graduating college, starting a career, getting married, having kids, all that grown-up stuff. All those things are good. So good. They are things that I want, but I don’t want those to be my everything. I don’t want to look back and be able to pick out a time-frame that was the best in my life. That sounds weird. It was weird to type, but basing the worth of a year off what I did or what happened to me just does not seem appealing. I want my twenties, my whole life for that matter, to be worth remembering not because of accomplishments but because something bigger than me and anything I can do was a part of it.
That something is God. There is nothing, no one else, that can make good and bad worth it, that can make everything I face have a purpose and each year merit remembering. I’ve had some tough years. Learning and understanding that God is not safe, but He’s good has been the most valuable lesson. Despite how hard or easy, painful or wonderful, confusing or clear, God’s providence and sovereignty has been so evident that it makes His goodness undeniable. Every year has been filled with joy despite my circumstances and peace that surpasses all understanding. His joy and His peace are available to me because of the cross. Jesus died so that my life could have meaning, a meaning that doesn’t come from anything I do, but all He’s done. Through His atoning sacrifice, I am forgiven, able to take on Christ’s identity, live a life free from the bondage of sin, and given hope that my actions and way others see me doesn’t define me. How can I look back on a life redeemed by Christ and see any part of it as better than the rest?
Will I look back and see some days as happier than others? Absolutely. However, my happiness doesn’t correlate with the value each day holds. From sunrise to sunset, each moment is brimming with the fullness of God. The breadth and length and height and depth of His inexhaustible, long-suffering love that constantly surrounds me gives value to any point of my life. My life has meaning because of what He did, is doing, and will do. The weight on my shoulders to “do” is gone. I don’t have to waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about the way things might have been because I will search for His way in the midst of every circumstance.
So I guess that’s my goal for this next year and every year to come… to have God as the center of my life and to look back and be able to see nothing but Him. Not because those things I listed above aren’t worth remembering but because He is better. I want to have my trust so rooted that no situation can shake it. I want a faith that doesn’t think about consequences, hardships, or even good things that will come out of being a follower of God but just thinks about Him. He’s what I desire.
I don’t want it to seem like I have it all together and that I have this mindset, because I don’t. At least not yet. It is something I’m aiming for by turning to God every moment rather than the things of this world. It takes a lot of work and sacrifice. Who doesn’t want to have their dream job and a perfect family? I’m not saying I’ll stop wanting those things, but I’ll stop working towards them and instead working towards Him. Laying down my life, picking up my cross daily, and following Him is how every decade of this life will have meaning. It is how I look back and see meaning in my past.
I’m going to stop looking for me, to stop working for me, because my time will end. Instead, in whatever I do, from eating to teaching, I will do it all for His glory because that is the only everlasting everything.
A Wonderous Love 